Post by JAYLA ANIKA HERRERA on Dec 27, 2016 16:47:24 GMT -8
She didn't want to be doing this today. It was hard to make herself appear aloof yet sensual perched on a jagged grouping of rock as cold sea water sprayed up into her face, and biting wind cut through her gauzy apparel. Jayla was shooting her first sort of couture photoshoot, for a three page spread in some boise magazine coming out in the late spring. Even though the sun shined it was bitterly cold. Her nose was running and her eyes watered. But at the encouraging shouts of the photographer she continued to suppress any visible tremors from her protesting body as her body temper dropped.
Jayla kept her movements minimal but contorted in an appealing way to show the fabric of each piece she wore. She found her attention drifting though as she shifted again, her full pouting lips parting as her index finger rested underneath. She should have been thrilled, everything was going her way here lately. Her job, her finances...she had Ace - whose career was taking off brilliantly. But something was missing. Jayla felt a big gap of discontent spreading in her as she slowly made her way into more poses, and she knew just the source. While she should have felt blessed and grateful for everything she had, it wasn't the clothes, or money or recognition that mattered to her. It was something deeper something less tangible but it was the realest most important thing.
Her love life. Her feelings for Ace and wanting more. They had grown comfortable with each other, they may as well share the new apartment she had gotten for as much as he was over there staying the night. She had even converted one of the spare bedrooms into a sort of studio for him, even though he didn't need it. Her boyfriend had signed with a record label not to long ago, but it was a gesture she had been sure he would have appreciated. Jayla had filled it with top notch equipment, switchboards, microphones a computer made only to record. She had had it insulated it to be sound proof for the most part so as to not disturb her neighbors. But the thing was Ace seemed to grow more distant from her, and while she tried to remain understanding and supportive, the stress of her job and his built on her. He barely touched her when he came stumbling in late at night, if she even realized he came in at all. And he seemed more short with her then usual.
And suddenly everything seemed to be her fault.
Jayla could do nothing right. Can't find his shirt? She must have misplaced it - if she only started hanging things up he would be able to find it. His cups on the coffee table? He was embarrassed that she couldn't keep the place clean. These were small trivial little things but it wasn't all of them and it was chipping away at her. Ace was constantly on his phone smiling or chuckling. He'd get up and take a call in the other room or outside on the balcony, and his phone was constantly locked. She'd sort of resigned herself not to make a big deal about it, but it was beginning to be hard to keep her comments in which only of course caused conflict. Jayla was almost positive that if he would only touch her more...become affection again, she wouldn’t be feelings so increasingly insecure. She hadn’t gained weight - god forbid - her career would be over. Her style was steadily getting better with exposure to different fashions. Had he just lost interest in her?
She couldn’t help but have these thoughts. Was there someone else? If so then why keep her strung along...it was hard now at this point to even be nice to each other. She felt terrible about that, like a bad person. What had she done exactly that had made him pull away. Was she not enough for him anymore? Jayla had never told him no…
But she found herself shutting down, verbally, physically and emotionally. It wasn’t fair to either of them at this point but it wasn’t a simple matter of telling him to leave, or breaking her lease and just leaving herself. There was so much time invested between them and she still wanted Ace. She wanted his time she wanted his affection, his love. Jayla wanted to give him everything and she didn’t want to feel bad about doing that. But he wasn’t making her feel good about anything.
Would it be better to just call it quits? Would it be fair to them if they did? Would she have to be the bad guy that said enough is enough?
The thought brought a stabbing lump to her throat much to suddenly and a stinging to her eyes that had nothing to do with the water and wind. Her serene facade broke then and her lips trembled. She could feel the shaking, as much as she protested in her joints, but it wasn’t until a sudden loud , “Hold up!” broke through did she she realize a tear had managed to escape.
Jayla could feel her face heat in shame, mixed with about a dozen other things. The photographer was making her way up to her with the makeup artist and her manager as she hastily but gingerly tried to wipe away the torrent of tears now coming down her face. What was she going to say to this? There was absolutely no reason she should be crying on a job, she should have left her personal business at home.
“Is everything okay?,” tall dark haired man - whose name she had forgotten to remember at the beginning of the day. His camera was cradled in his right hand like a precious gem and she flashed him apologetic eyes.
“I am so sorry, sir….” she managed to get out as she reined herself in. Jayla’s manager seemed to pick up for where she was unable to finish and the sweet make up girl touched up her foundation and cleaned up the lines of her runny mascara. The two talked back and forth for a moment and Jayla collected herself in that time. Straightening her spine she took a breath. “I apologize, I haven’t been sleeping well…”
It was the go to excuse but somehow they both seemed to buy it for the sake of the shoot and they finished on a relatively successful note as she was able to immerse herself in the job without further incident. By the time they left and she was back in some toasty clothes however she was absolutely exhausted. Every part of her ached, even her head. A hot bath was calling her name and that's exactly what she did as soon as she was back in the comforts of her apartment. Of course when she walked in it was quiet and empty, the street lights and passing cars the only thing passing illumination into the darkness.
Jayla didn’t mind though she made her way to the bathroom filling up her tub greedily with hot water and skipping the cold tap at all. She skimmed through her basket of Lush and finally decided on a fruity bath bomb, something made with ylang-ylang and that she knew would turn the water pink. Letting it drop in she didn’t wait to watch it fizz, instead she headed to the kitchen stripping layers off as she went. The next thing on her mind was a glass of wine and when she was finally set she settled into the tub with a sigh. She’d gone through a familiar comforting routine and she could finally feel her stress and worry slowly melting - with the help of the red wine of course… and she refused to let herself fall into another proverbial rabbit hole. She just wanted to spend one evening - hell even just one hour - with nothing on her mind...